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I once had a manager at Meta who kept flip-flopping. We’d have our one-on-one meetings to align on the priorities, and whether I should focus on new features or fix user-reported bugs.
But after a few days, our plans would suddenly change. Certain bugs would become the highest priority, especially if the order came from directors or VPs. I noticed a pattern where my manager would change his mind after speaking with a strong-willed project manager or some engineering leader up the chain.
I was left feeling confused and unsupported.
When this happens, how do you tell your manager to shape up? Is it even your responsibility to give feedback to your manager?
The 1:1 is a critical forum to share this kind of feedback. A 1:1 is a focused meeting between two people within the company, typically lasting 30 or 45 minutes. When done well, these meetings are a valuable tool for building trust and fostering career growth. In my experience, managers will have weekly or biweekly 1:1s with each of their reports. If you don’t have a regularly scheduled 1:1 with your manager, you’re missing out. Ask for one!
The effectiveness of a 1:1 depends on your preparation before the meeting. Here are a few ground rules I set with my reports and my own manager to make them as valuable as possible:
- Write down the agenda in advance. This shows that you have put some thought into the meeting and, therefore, it shouldn’t be canceled. Keep a running doc of everything you’ve written down. It can be helpful for both you and your manager to refer back to prior discussions and action items.
- Avoid status updates. Approach each 1:1 as a valuable opportunity to learn something or gain a new perspective. Feel free to write down status updates ahead of time, but you should minimize the time spent in the 1:1 just reviewing statuses. The conversation should be more focused on emotions and concerns rather than obvious facts.
- Be vulnerable. One litmus test for the conversation is, “Could this have been shared in the broader team meeting?” If the answer is yes, don’t waste the valuable 1:1 time on that topic. The 1:1 should focus on the sticky human issues that inevitably come up in the workplace: losing motivation, feeling overwhelmed, or delivering difficult feedback, for example.
At Meta, I used the 1:1 time with my manager to share my concerns about the constantly shifting priorities between new features and user-reported bugs. The problem didn’t get resolved overnight, but at least he was aware of the issue. I felt heard, and we continued to monitor the situation as it improved.
What if your manager isn’t receptive to your feedback or concerns? In almost all cases, it’s not worth trying to “fix” your manager or your environment. There’s a clear power dynamic between you and your boss, and the energy spent on your manager is better spent on finding a new team or company altogether.
The 1:1 is a critical pillar for our career growth as engineers. Try out these tactics in your next 1:1 and let me know how it goes.
—Rahul
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